From Blonde to Red and Back Again

So, for those of you who missed part of the continuing Heidi saga.. I will fill in the details. I know.. its so dramatic right?..

During the last week I was in the hospital in September my docs talked and decided that my Lupus was so out of control that more aggressive treatment was needed. This was as I was starting my overall recovery... so honestly not entirely sure how that decision came about...

Anyways.. the reason they give Chemo or Cytoxan as they call the milder version I received, to Lupus patients is because it basically kills off the rest of their immune system, making it impossible for my body to react.  In other words.. my body was having such an "allergic reaction" to itself that the only way to stop it was to kill off my immune system so that it would stop trying to fight me.

I think it would have been easier and more comfortable for me to sit down and have a heart to heart with those little annoying germs and tell them that evacuation was necessary or they would be fumigated.  Kind of like those weird Mucinex commercials.. you all know what I'm talking about.. right? If not.. just pretend.

Regardless... I had my first treatment in the hospital, where they have nice heavy anti-nausea medication, so I only threw up twice in the middle of the night after the first treatment.   Although, the hospital and after the second treatment is when I lost the most hair.

Well.. after I was released... my hair was looking pretty nasty and starting to develop bald spots, which is why I all the sudden appeared with thick red hair... Yeah.. my fairy godmother (literally, not kidding here) helped me pick out a wig that would work with my natural skin tone that I could wear for a few months until my treatments were over.

So, thus, Heidi is a fiery, feisty red head! Woo hoo!

Anyways, after the second treatment.. no sickness, just nausea.
Third treatment... I threw up for about 5 hours.. nearly every half an hour.
Fourth treatment was a 7-8 hour long disaster zone. I almost surrendered myself to curling up on the bathroom floor and just waiting it out.  Lucky for me there are some amazing priesthood holders in my ward who don't mind seeing me at my worse and I got a blessing after which the episode subsided.

Two days later I went home for Christmas! Yay Christmas!!

Well.. a few days after returning from Christmas break, the bills started showing up. I won't say how much they were cause its just ridiculous.. but I was scheduled for two more treatments. One this week and then the last one next month. However, after looking at the bills I decided that unless Bill Gates himself made an appearance on my front step with a nice chunky check book, Chemo was not happening anymore.

I got in touch with my doctor today and okayed the nix of the Chemo treatments! I'm still not in the clear completely, they will have me on watch... don't worry no ankle bracelet or alarms going off... just some more needle pokes twice a month, which is no big considering a spot has formed on my arm from the previous 117 needle pokes in the exact same spot.  Easy access makes things a lot more comfortable for everyone.

Anyways.. thus ends this current part of my dramatic/traumatic experience. Thanks for the continued prayers and love sent my way, it has meant the world to me...

Ohh.. p.s. the wig has officially taken its spot on the top shelf of my closet where she will hopefully reside for a long time. I have once again joined the ranks of the blondes!

Before I end though I probably should include some positives of chemo.. right? There is a ray of sunshine in every cloud... except of course unless its snowing like the north pole in Provo.. but that's beside the point...

1.  I never had to shave my legs... Its true folks.. the hair just didn't grow.
2.  I had a legitimate excuse to not work for a day and "rest" on the couch.
3.  HUGS!!! I got LOTS of Hugs! I like hugs...

And thus... officially.. Chemo has taken its place in its part of Heidi history, become part of what has shaped my character and made me stronger than I ever imagined I would be.  Thanks should go to Heavenly Father for knowing I was strong enough to endure such a harrowing trial and come out even stronger.

Unhooked, unleashed and unloosed! Happy Birthday to ME!

FREEDOM!  So this is what it feels like. I'd have to say I've rarely experienced the feeling of being tethered and then freed. This is it! Best birthday present ever! I get to take a bath at home, put on make-up, do my hair and celebrate the heck out of being out of the hospital. Don't worry though, I won't party too hard, I don't want to end up back in here.

But hey, it wasn't all that bad, it's just a great birthday present to be leaving the hospital. The housekeeping staff sang to me and gave me a card. That's pretty cool and the sun is the brightest I've seen it maybe since I've been here.

P.S. There was just a code green in the psych ward. I'm trying not to think too much about that. 

Here are some pictures of the homecoming/birthday party! Kristin did a great job of baking and making the cupcake display. I have amazing roommates!

Five candles cause I'm young at heart. 25 was a good birthday!

Soul Food

Did you know?

Candy is soul food. The Prince of Egypt is really a great way to share a night with friends.

My blood type is A+ but they have to retest it in the hospital every 72 hours. Just in case it changes?

Cupcakes are good birthday food. Shout out to The Cocoa Bean, Nurse Aubrey and Garrett "My Home Teacher". Mmmm good.

Notes and small sincere thoughts make me happy. I had my first allergic reaction and did not like it!

Life goes on. Its really fun to sneak around the hospital and watch the sunset with great friends.

The longer you stay in here the more friends you make and I like making friends.

Nurses like you better when you don't complain or need help going to the bathroom. Prayer works.

Chemotherapy drugs make you throw up and lose hair, it isn't a myth. AVOID at all costs!  A good book and blanket makes any day great.

Flowers and hugs are two of my favorite things. It is okay to cry it out, but only if you do it every once in a while.

Being aware of those around you and trying to  learn from every moment isn't always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it!

Angels will always surround you if you ask.  It's okay to squeeze really hard!

Blood going into your body is COLD and blood coming out is HOT. Your body is AMAZING!

Kindness  is never forgotten. Most importantly though is, you are never alone.

The Girl with the Lightning Scar!

Well folks, it has happened... I finally rough and tumbled myself into quite the predicament. After a week and a half of coughing and hacking and getting weaker and weaker I decided to check myself into the E.R. Well.. friends, dang good thing that I did. They have since discovered a weird creature living inside me called pneumonia.  I don't know what the heck he thinks he is doing in there, I have told him multiple times that he isn't welcome or appreciated, but whatever. Then... of course, my friend Anemia decides he wants to join in the fun. Turns out that the reason I had been so weak lately was because I had less than half of my blood in my body. I guess they were having a little civil war in there and the wrong side was winning, so, thanks to the kindly donations of the lovely A+ students at BYU and UVU  I was able to receive 4 units of the juicy red stuff which has helped me to feel much better.

Unfortunately, in addition, my Kidneys have decided that they need to also cause problems. They are trying to stop working on me too.  So, I get to have dialysis. WOO... so.. NOT fun. Its cool though, my scar count will go from ... like... 3 or 4 to like 45 after this hospital stay.  I already have about 14 to add to the count! Don't worry,  I requested one to look like the Harry Potter lightning bolt, we'll see if that pans out. Its on my neck so it probably will look more like a Vampire bite.. yikes.

Well.. tomorrow should be a fun day though.  I will start dialysis in the morning.. at like 6:30 am or something like that... followed by a kidney biopsy.  For those of you who don't know. THIS is the needle they will put into my back and get fluid off of my kidney so that they know what is going on back there. Ya.. it's cool.. I know I'm brave! I guess it looks whimpy in this picture... but I've had it done before. Its a little larger than it appears.

That is how its rollin right now in the land of the happy and home of the brave.  However, I would like to offer a little shout out to everyone who has come to say hi! I would just name everyone.. and don't think I can't remember... but then it would just be a boring list of names.

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that yes I'm alive, yes I'm still breathing and my heart is beating. I'm keeping the nurses and visitors entertained (I'm their favorite.. even though they may not admit it) and I'm getting better and better at telling cheesy jokes and making sarcastic remarks. Don't worry though I'm still the same 'ole me.

So.. the moral of the story... don't run faster than is needful. Stop and smell the flowers.  Remember who you are. Don't forget to brush your teeth. Smile like you mean it. Keep on truckin! BUT, Never give up and never give in. Life is full of surprises,

Take care of yourself you beautiful people.. and you won't end up like me... in the hospital with a bag of crayons, a goofy hair-do and a cheesy grin with the silly story of how I ended up as the girl with the lightning scar.