Friday, November 9, 2007

Frustration

I can't even tell you how frustrating it is to have a disease that will never go away. Out of the many cases of Lupus int he world, only a very few have ever been cured. Most of the people that have been cured, have only done so through an extensive diet and lifestyle change. I guess it is worth it to irradicate something that will be with you forever and could possibly kill you. You should have heard my mom when she found out. You never realize how something like that affects everyone else. Her father died from lupus in his fifties because the doctors didn't know what was wrong with him, until it was too late. For her to find out that her daughter has the same thing was devastating. It's frustrating to me as well obviously. Sometimes I get sores in my mouth and I can't even really eat. Sometimes my muscles get so sore that I can't lay still or move. I have a knee that pops out of socket that the doctors refuse to acknowledge as a problem. It is also nearly impossible to get my doctor to answer my phone calls. Sometimes I feel like no one cares and no one understands. Especially being a college student with a disease is very difficult and almost impossible to get the amount of sleep I really need to get and stay healthy. It has made me a lot more appreciative of the good days I do have even though they are few and far between. Sometimes sores on my hands are so bad I can't even hold a pen or do other things with my hands. I'm sick of it.

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