Fall into Place

It's amazing how, when nothing seems to be working, somehow it all just magically falls into place. I'm not really sure, how or even if I'm referring to something specific, but it just works out. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the hand of the Lord in my life. Its just interesting how sometimes, I am so confused and at a loss for what to do next, and a minute later everything is completely clear. It can be compared a little bit to the struggle of survival for this flower. It struggles constantly to receive nourishment, and at times the shadow of the towering trees or the lack of water in the ground, robs it of what it needs. Then all the sudden, rain comes, or the shadow moves, leaving the flower to receive all that it needs, its a wonderful thing.

Sports Fans

So, I know no one reads this, but it is a good outlet for my frustrations. Ok, first of all, I went to a basketball game tonight, because I like basketball, and because I wanted to see my team play, and its fun. Well, I sat in front of some people who knew some team members, not only did they go on about them the entire game, but, they failed to know the rest of the players names, but claimed to be so into the game. They never stopped talking to watch the game either. And when they weren't talking about themselves, they were talking bad about the other players. Oh, and I should also mention, that on the other side of me were two girls who talked the entire game, in another language, and took pictures of themselves. I guess it is good that people were at the game, but it just ticks me off when they don't pay attention or trash talk their own team. What is the point of going to support them, if you don't actually support them? If you are good enough to trash talk what they are doing, why don't you get on the floor or the field and show us how its done. The players are human just like everyone else, and they have their good and bad days, there is really no reason to say because someone missed a shot or threw a bad pass that they are horrible and should be thrown out of the game or the sport in its entirety. Man up people. If you like your team, support them, no matter what. Maybe if they feel like people care about them, they will be willing to play harder for their fans. It makes sense to me anyways....

Changes

Its crazy how much different doctors think than one another. I started a new doctor this past week and already he is telling me I might not have lupus, because I'm missing some of the key signs. I'm not quote sure what to think of that, they did a bunch of blood tests on me to determine whether I did or not. I don't know if he is planning on calling me or if there will be a letter for me in the mail when I get back. It should be interesting to see. He did all these weird tests on me that have never been done on me before, including checking my fingernails for a "telling sign" of lupus. He just put me back on the plaquenil because he said that he didn't want to put me on prednisone because of what it does to my fingers, and muscles, etc. It will definitely be interesting to see what happens with that. I wish that the doctors would make up their mind, or at least find a medicine that didn't make me so sick or effect me so strongly, it really would be a miracle at this point.

Frustration

I can't even tell you how frustrating it is to have a disease that will never go away. Out of the many cases of Lupus int he world, only a very few have ever been cured. Most of the people that have been cured, have only done so through an extensive diet and lifestyle change. I guess it is worth it to irradicate something that will be with you forever and could possibly kill you. You should have heard my mom when she found out. You never realize how something like that affects everyone else. Her father died from lupus in his fifties because the doctors didn't know what was wrong with him, until it was too late. For her to find out that her daughter has the same thing was devastating. It's frustrating to me as well obviously. Sometimes I get sores in my mouth and I can't even really eat. Sometimes my muscles get so sore that I can't lay still or move. I have a knee that pops out of socket that the doctors refuse to acknowledge as a problem. It is also nearly impossible to get my doctor to answer my phone calls. Sometimes I feel like no one cares and no one understands. Especially being a college student with a disease is very difficult and almost impossible to get the amount of sleep I really need to get and stay healthy. It has made me a lot more appreciative of the good days I do have even though they are few and far between. Sometimes sores on my hands are so bad I can't even hold a pen or do other things with my hands. I'm sick of it.