Love Is...

Dreaming

2012-02-13T16:34:00.000-08:00

So, this year has been one of weird dreams. I don't know if its because of all the medications I'm on because of my issues last semester, or if I'm just a strange sleeper/dreamer. They have actually been so weird that I've considered keeping a dream journal just for the fun of it.

If you don't believe me, here's dream number one... I had a dream that me and one of my roommates were talking about when our other roommate was coming home and she suddenly came out from behind the wall crying her eyes out whining to us that she "heard everything" and couldn't believe we would say such things about her.

This happened 2 or 3 more times in different locations, always with the same two roommates and the same outcome. When I told my roommate about the dream, interesting conversation followed of course about why I would have such a dream.

The other night I had another good one. If you have seen the movie "In Time" this will make more sense to you. The movie In Time is about people who live as long as they have time left on their clocks(arms). Anyways I had a "Time Keeping Machine" that could transport me from century to century based on the numbers I entered into the machine. Except, if you misused your "jumping" powers the time keepers would take your machine. Well.. I was on a bus, with an unknown male person :). Everyone on the bus had misused their time machines and so the time keeper was coming to retrieve them from us. Well... we realized this before the time keepers got to us, so we jumped and hid out for a while, until the time keepers found us.. Then it was just like the movie "Jumper". We jumped from time period to time period and had to keep running from the time keepers. It was a pretty detailed dream. Anyways.. those are just two of the many extremely strange dreams I've had in the past few weeks...

I'm kind of excited to see if they will continue.. Sorry this post is mostly so I don't forget the dreams.. and I get sick of writing things out by hand, so its not as funny or clever as usual.

time machine dream
rad dream

From Blonde to Red and Back Again

2012-01-23T16:40:00.001-08:00

So, for those of you who missed part of the continuing Heidi saga.. I will fill in the details. I know.. its so dramatic right?..

During the last week I was in the hospital in September my docs talked and decided that my Lupus was so out of control that more aggressive treatment was needed. This was as I was starting my overall recovery... so honestly not entirely sure how that decision came about...

Anyways.. the reason they give Chemo or Cytoxan as they call the milder version I received, to Lupus patients is because it basically kills off the rest of their immune system, making it impossible for my body to react. In other words.. my body was having such an "allergic reaction" to itself that the only way to stop it was to kill off my immune system so that it would stop trying to fight me.

I think it would have been easier and more comfortable for me to sit down and have a heart to heart with those little annoying germs and tell them that evacuation was necessary or they would be fumigated. Kind of like those weird Mucinex commercials.. you all know what I'm talking about.. right? If not.. just pretend.

Regardless... I had my first treatment in the hospital, where they have nice heavy anti-nausea medication, so I only threw up twice in the middle of the night after the first treatment. Although, the hospital and after the second treatment is when I lost the most hair.

Well.. after I was released... my hair was looking pretty nasty and starting to develop bald spots, which is why I all the sudden appeared with thick red hair... Yeah.. my fairy godmother (literally, not kidding here) helped me pick out a wig that would work with my natural skin tone that I could wear for a few months until my treatments were over.

So, thus, Heidi is a fiery, feisty red head! Woo hoo!

Anyways, after the second treatment.. no sickness, just nausea.
Third treatment... I threw up for about 5 hours.. nearly every half an hour.
Fourth treatment was a 7-8 hour long disaster zone. I almost surrendered myself to curling up on the bathroom floor and just waiting it out. Lucky for me there are some amazing priesthood holders in my ward who don't mind seeing me at my worse and I got a blessing after which the episode subsided.

Two days later I went home for Christmas! Yay Christmas!!

Well.. a few days after returning from Christmas break, the bills started showing up. I won't say how much they were cause its just ridiculous.. but I was scheduled for two more treatments. One this week and then the last one next month. However, after looking at the bills I decided that unless Bill Gates himself made an appearance on my front step with a nice chunky check book, Chemo was not happening anymore.

I got in touch with my doctor today and okayed the nix of the Chemo treatments! I'm still not in the clear completely, they will have me on watch... don't worry no ankle bracelet or alarms going off... just some more needle pokes twice a month, which is no big considering a spot has formed on my arm from the previous 117 needle pokes in the exact same spot. Easy access makes things a lot more comfortable for everyone.

Anyways.. thus ends this current part of my dramatic/traumatic experience. Thanks for the continued prayers and love sent my way, it has meant the world to me...

Ohh.. p.s. the wig has officially taken its spot on the top shelf of my closet where she will hopefully reside for a long time. I have once again joined the ranks of the blondes!

Before I end though I probably should include some positives of chemo.. right? There is a ray of sunshine in every cloud... except of course unless its snowing like the north pole in Provo.. but that's beside the point...

1. I never had to shave my legs... Its true folks.. the hair just didn't grow.
2. I had a legitimate excuse to not work for a day and "rest" on the couch.
3. HUGS!!! I got LOTS of Hugs! I like hugs...

And thus... officially.. Chemo has taken its place in its part of Heidi history, become part of what has shaped my character and made me stronger than I ever imagined I would be. Thanks should go to Heavenly Father for knowing I was strong enough to endure such a harrowing trial and come out even stronger.

The Baby Dill Mobile

2011-11-29T22:15:00.001-08:00

Yes, Kristin and I did make a late night run to Smith's tonight. Yes, we did go "shopping" and found some interesting things, but they didn't make it past the check-out lane. But really.. enough of that. I have just found some funny things in my life lately that I feel I should share with you. Everyone needs a good laugh now and then, right?

So, in all honesty Kristin and I really did make a late night run to the grocery store tonight because we were both starving.. and decided nothing in our apartment could live up to our cravings. Well.. everything was going just dandy. We headed outside to jump into Kristin's car to head over to the grocery store. Then, Kristin remembered, perhaps due to the smell, that she had left a full can of pickles in the back and they had leaked a little. Ok, maybe more than just a little..the truth is that, it leaked a lot, all the juice was gone and the smell of pickles joined us on our little adventure.

On the way out of the store, a car decided that even though I was walking behind it, it was going to go ahead and back out. It came a matter of a few inches, maybe centimeters from hitting me. Kristin was a quite bit more phased than I was. So went our little adventure for the night.

Home

2011-10-20T21:29:00.005-07:00

A word with so many meanings... a wise person once said "home isn't where your house is, its where the people you love are." Maybe that's why I'm feeling so conflicted right now. Home is here.

the house I grew up in
FAMILY
the quilt made for me by the young women in my ward when I moved away
the farm
my favorite stuffed animals from when I was little
my mom's homemade dinners
the delicious drive-in down the street
the best friends a girl could ask for
familiar faces and places where memories are made
finding old bucket lists and notes passed in high school
realizing your dreams didn't come true, or at least not yet, but realizing that its ok
rolling hills, green grass, lightning bugs

Home is also there. Utah.

endless hugs and get well wishes
familiar faces and places where memories are made
birthday buddies
roommates and friend I can count on no matter what
blessings and service from people who have just met me and love me unconditionally
a second family
someone who holds my hand & dries my tears
late night giggle sessions with roommates about hair, reflexes and need I say?? boys
mountains, cuddles with warm blankets and good books, good news from friends abroad
attempts at mom's homemade goodies
endless lessons, all learned in miraculous ways
a chance to grow beyond the capacities of my own imagination

I guess what I'm trying to say is home is simple. Home is love, no matter the location. Love is... home.

Goodness Gracious

2011-09-30T09:57:00.000-07:00

Today I ran across a blog that was listed recently as one of the top 100 blogs/websites that will inspire you to be a better person. In the particular entry I was looking at, I was excited to see a list of things that come for free but are so good. "The Best Things in Life are Free". I have also recently run across a "handwritten" blog that writes a note a day or a week addressed to something positive in her life. I can't remember the link to that one anymore, but I hope someday to be able to write things that can inspire people. I believe I have been given the gift of eloquence and I can say and write things in a way that people can understand and relate to what I am saying. Anyways, the point is that I want to start doing something similar when I post. My family is all over the country right now and we have been writing each other each week with three things that are good or we are grateful for.

Here is my version of inspiration this week. I want to write down one thing that happens everyday that is good starting today!

I get to go to Tucanos Brazilian Grill with some amazing people!!

Unhooked, unleashed and unloosed! Happy Birthday to ME!

2011-09-29T07:47:00.000-07:00

FREEDOM! So this is what it feels like. I'd have to say I've rarely experienced the feeling of being tethered and then freed. This is it! Best birthday present ever! I get to take a bath at home, put on make-up, do my hair and celebrate the heck out of being out of the hospital. Don't worry though, I won't party too hard, I don't want to end up back in here.

But hey, it wasn't all that bad, it's just a great birthday present to be leaving the hospital. The housekeeping staff sang to me and gave me a card. That's pretty cool and the sun is the brightest I've seen it maybe since I've been here.

P.S. There was just a code green in the psych ward. I'm trying not to think too much about that.

Here are some pictures of the homecoming/birthday party! Kristin did a great job of baking and making the cupcake display. I have amazing roommates!

Five candles cause I'm young at heart. 25 was a good birthday!

Soul Food

2011-09-27T17:14:00.001-07:00

Did you know?

Candy is soul food. The Prince of Egypt is really a great way to share a night with friends.

My blood type is A+ but they have to retest it in the hospital every 72 hours. Just in case it changes?

Cupcakes are good birthday food. Shout out to The Cocoa Bean, Nurse Aubrey and Garrett "My Home Teacher". Mmmm good.

Notes and small sincere thoughts make me happy. I had my first allergic reaction and did not like it!

Life goes on. Its really fun to sneak around the hospital and watch the sunset with great friends.

The longer you stay in here the more friends you make and I like making friends.

Nurses like you better when you don't complain or need help going to the bathroom. Prayer works.

Chemotherapy drugs make you throw up and lose hair, it isn't a myth. AVOID at all costs! A good book and blanket makes any day great.

Flowers and hugs are two of my favorite things. It is okay to cry it out, but only if you do it every once in a while.

Being aware of those around you and trying to learn from every moment isn't always easy, but it is ALWAYS worth it!

Angels will always surround you if you ask. It's okay to squeeze really hard!

Blood going into your body is COLD and blood coming out is HOT. Your body is AMAZING!

Kindness is never forgotten. Most importantly though is, you are never alone.

Shingles Go on Houses, Not on People!

2011-09-25T14:43:00.001-07:00

So, the latest news is that I woke up on Monday with a fun little case of the shingles. Thus, I am still in the hospital just chillin'. Today I woke up with a swollen eye and they had the eye doctor come in to make sure the shingles weren't spreading to my eye.

Fast forward to Sunday. I feel GREAT! I'm ready to bust out of here. I feel like I've been sitting here for three days just waiting for them to let me go. Its a little bit out of control. I guess if it is meant to be it will happen, but I am definitely pushing for Tuesday or Wednesday so that I can get home before or on my birthday. It is just frustrating cause I don't feel sick, maybe a little weak, cause I can't do anything but walk in circles, but I'm ready to bust out of this joint!

Sorry the post is short and grumpy today. I'm ready to be outta here baby!

Warm Turkey...

2011-09-18T10:43:00.001-07:00

So, yesterday on Facebook I made a comment about how I was addicted to football and my friend Dre said that was an addiction that was ok, kind of like breathing, and eating and you couldn't just go cold turkey, no football is just not possible. Well... will someone take that turkey out of the oven, cause it's done! Let me tell you about my two favorite football teams.

1. BYU- I will never stop being a BYU fan. I don't hate on Jake Heaps, or Riley Nelson or anyone else who may have forgot to "honey up" their hands last night, however, I'm slightly worried that Jimmer may have taken all of our miracle juice for the year. Silly Jimmer.

2. The Colts- Ya.... only a few words for that one too. Payton Manning, neck injury, season... obliterated. But, we still love Austin Collie... I think he is hurt right now though too.

The good thing about warm turkey is that it tastes delicious and there were some good things this morning that helped to season up that yummy bird.

In dialysis the supervisor had her grandson with her. He was probably the cutest kid I've seen all week! No, bur really, he was very cute and he was playing with an iphone application that he could ask questions and it would say yes or no back to him. I started answering his questions instead and we had a good little conversation cause he started thinking of more questions to ask and laughing and getting excited. He was very cute.

Also, for the first 2 hours of dialysis I was able to watch the movie 17 Miracles that Sister Larsen brought to me. It was a great movie, after which Trevor gave me the play by play of the Sunday School lesson. All in all, so far its been a good day.

Underpants?

2011-09-15T07:10:00.000-07:00

Underpants, what a funny word. Yes.. I'm starting a post for you today with the word underpants. I could have gone with long-johns, unders, arounds or even overs, but just for you, I chose to write about the complete and utter awkwardness of being basically completely exposed every time I wiggle my pinkie finger in the wrong direction.

Let me just tell you, the "nursery rhyme" I see London, I see France, I see "insert name here's" underpants is sure a whole lot funnier when you are 6 years old. It becomes even less funny when you are suddenly "living" with 10 other people and everyone is walking around in a drape with a giant hole in the back. I guess they have to provide us with some kind of entertainment to keep up occupied huh?

Although, I must admit, being on a floor where both patients and nurses have moustaches that have outlived me can make for some interesting stories.

Yesterday I got to take a jog or two around the nurses station. Yeah, that's right. I jogged. It was invigorating! One time, I leaned over to pick up a piece of paper and almost won the race face first. I guess now I know what it feels like to be a little "tipsy." I think I'll stay away from that for umm... ever. I must admit I felt a little like this guy. Not quite sure which way I was going to end up going.

My doctor came by today and it sounds like I'm slowly taking baby steps towards getting my little bum on the move outta here. The platelet counts are still slowly going up. They are thinking they may have to start the chemo drug treatments before they do the biopsy though because the platelets are just being slow pokes. This could be a good thing, because they might discharge me earlier than expected since I'm doing so much better, but it could also be a bummer because I'll have to have an outpatient procedure when they finally reach high enough levels.

No definitive word yet though, still playing the waiting game for now. Hopefully I will hear from the other two doctors soon and they can give me some good news. After all.. who wants to watch an intense BYU/Utah football game in a hospital room? BOO!

Movin' on Up!

2011-09-12T16:54:00.000-07:00

That's right, minute by minute news updates comin' atcha from the THIRD floor, or as I'd like to affectionately call it, Cloud Nine! Yes folks, I've been moved to the KID-KNEE floor. Here, they will ... do more of the exact same thing... except my room is bigger... and.. I have a shower.... a shower being a chair that I can sit in and kind of wash off. Its an exciting thing!

Sad news though, I talked to the nutritionist today to find out exactly what is restricted on my diet until my Kidneys start to get better... The good news is this...

I can still eat meat, both white and red. I can have some of the fruits and vegetables that I love, not all, but some and I can very sparingly eat my favorites, such as tomatoes, potatoes and peaches. They are mostly on the no-no list. No more of the mashed goodies :( Maybe I'll be able to eat them by Thanksgiving, cause that would be fantastic!

So, even though cloud nine is obviously pretty dang sweet... there are still some snags that I'd rather not deal with. Don't worry through friends, I'll keep you updated as the events of the third floor unravel and weave their fun little tale.

Escapee in the East Wing

2011-09-12T08:06:00.001-07:00

Well.. it was a nice interesting night last night up in the E-Wing of the UVRMC. I feel so bad for the patients who get confused and don't quite understand what is going on. My new neighbor didn't understand why she was in the hospital and DID NOT want to have oxygen on. She pulled her oxygen mask off at least 4 different times in the middle of the night. The alarms all went off each time because her oxygen levels weren't high enough for her to continue breathing. I feel bad for those people who just don't understand. They had to eventually tie her arms to her bed so that she would not be in danger of removing her mask and passing away overnight due to lack of oxygen. Needless to say, it was an interesting night in the E-Wing, lots of yelling, sedation and confusion. Luckily, I was able to still get a few hours of sleep.

Don't worry I'll keep you updated as more excitement and fun goes down I'm sure we haven't seen the end of it.

The Girl with the Lightning Scar!

2011-09-11T20:35:00.000-07:00

Well folks, it has happened... I finally rough and tumbled myself into quite the predicament. After a week and a half of coughing and hacking and getting weaker and weaker I decided to check myself into the E.R. Well.. friends, dang good thing that I did. They have since discovered a weird creature living inside me called pneumonia. I don't know what the heck he thinks he is doing in there, I have told him multiple times that he isn't welcome or appreciated, but whatever. Then... of course, my friend Anemia decides he wants to join in the fun. Turns out that the reason I had been so weak lately was because I had less than half of my blood in my body. I guess they were having a little civil war in there and the wrong side was winning, so, thanks to the kindly donations of the lovely A+ students at BYU and UVU I was able to receive 4 units of the juicy red stuff which has helped me to feel much better.

Unfortunately, in addition, my Kidneys have decided that they need to also cause problems. They are trying to stop working on me too. So, I get to have dialysis. WOO... so.. NOT fun. Its cool though, my scar count will go from ... like... 3 or 4 to like 45 after this hospital stay. I already have about 14 to add to the count! Don't worry, I requested one to look like the Harry Potter lightning bolt, we'll see if that pans out. Its on my neck so it probably will look more like a Vampire bite.. yikes.

Well.. tomorrow should be a fun day though. I will start dialysis in the morning.. at like 6:30 am or something like that... followed by a kidney biopsy. For those of you who don't know. THIS is the needle they will put into my back and get fluid off of my kidney so that they know what is going on back there. Ya.. it's cool.. I know I'm brave! I guess it looks whimpy in this picture... but I've had it done before. Its a little larger than it appears.

That is how its rollin right now in the land of the happy and home of the brave. However, I would like to offer a little shout out to everyone who has come to say hi! I would just name everyone.. and don't think I can't remember... but then it would just be a boring list of names.

Anyways, I just wanted to let everyone know that yes I'm alive, yes I'm still breathing and my heart is beating. I'm keeping the nurses and visitors entertained (I'm their favorite.. even though they may not admit it) and I'm getting better and better at telling cheesy jokes and making sarcastic remarks. Don't worry though I'm still the same 'ole me.

So.. the moral of the story... don't run faster than is needful. Stop and smell the flowers. Remember who you are. Don't forget to brush your teeth. Smile like you mean it. Keep on truckin! BUT, Never give up and never give in. Life is full of surprises,

Take care of yourself you beautiful people.. and you won't end up like me... in the hospital with a bag of crayons, a goofy hair-do and a cheesy grin with the silly story of how I ended up as the girl with the lightning scar.

Music & Lyrics- Brendan James - Changing Us (Live)

2011-03-26T17:47:00.002-07:00

ksl.com - BYU basketball reunites missionary and convert after 40 years

2011-03-06T21:42:00.000-08:00

ksl.com - BYU basketball reunites missionary and convert after 40 years

For anyone who follows BYU Basketball, very cool story about the power of friendship and love and missionary work.

Hope of things to Come

2011-03-06T21:31:00.000-08:00

“Everybody in this life has their challenges and difficulties. That is part of our mortal test. The reason for some of these trials cannot be readily understood except on the basis of faith and hope because there is often a larger purpose which we do not always understand. Peace comes through hope.”- James E Faust

I have been studying hope and faith this week, and especially today. It has been an interesting 6 years for me out here at BYU. I have had ups and downs of which I never expected to experience, yet at the same time, I never wish to trade for anything. The experiences, the faith and the Hope of better things to come have and that there is something important I am supposed to learn or help someone else learn from these things, trials and circumstances I have been given.

If you have any extra time, I highly encourage you to read the quotes that follow. They are inspiring and remind me of what I'm here for and why sometimes life has to be hard.

Genuine hope is urgently needed in order to be more loving even as the love of many waxes cold; more merciful, even when misunderstood or misrepresented; more holy, even as the world ripens in iniquity; more courteous and patient in a coarsening and curt world; and more full of heartfelt hope, even when other men’s hearts fail them. Whatever our particular furrow, we are to ‘plow in hope,’ without looking back or letting yesterday hold tomorrow hostage (1 Cor. 9:10).”- Neal A Maxwell

"Hope . . . is like the beam of sunlight rising up and above the horizon of our present circumstances. It pierces the darkness with a brilliant dawn. It encourages and inspires us to place our trust in the loving care of an eternal Heavenly Father, who has prepared a way for those who seek for eternal truth in a world of relativism, confusion, and of fear."- Dieter F Utchdorf

"The things we hope for lead us to faith, while the things we hope in lead us to charity." Elder Utchdorf

A Day Late and A Dollar Short

2011-02-15T14:06:00.002-08:00

So, I posted my Jimmertines yesterday but didn't get around to putting up my hearts for the year. Also, in honor of the first year for a while without a Valentine I will also include ten things I love. Here are the hearts for this time around.

1. I love friends.
2. I love family.
3. I love sappy chick flicks.
4. I love God's little reminders.
5. I love memories.
6. I love goodness.
7. I love chocolate.
8. I love roommates.
9. I love Christmas.
10. I love a day that is all about showing love.

Happy late Valentine's day, enjoy the pictures.

Love Always, Jimmer

2011-02-14T15:06:00.001-08:00

So, Jimmer is kind of a big deal around here in Provo. Angela and I decided it would be a great idea to make a Jimmer Valentine and pass it around. So for those of you who are yet to find love, here is some Jimmer-lovin for ya!

Love you Provo, and LOVE you Jimmer!

Heidi

Be Still and Know

2011-02-02T17:17:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been thinking a lot about the verse found in Psalms, "Be Still, and Know that I am God." Lately, life has been a little bit out of control. I work full time, but that isn't necessarily why life is crazy. I haven't been taking time to myself like I should. I was able to see these pictures up close and personal in October while they were on display at the Nauvoo visitor center. I don't want to say much about them, other than that these pictures are nearest to how I picture Christ. The details in the real photographs are impeccable and every picture brings peace and reminds me to "Be Still." All pictures are credited to Mark Mabry and can be found on his site "Reflections of Christ."

Because of this new sense of peace and comfort that I have found through things happening in my life I've found myself to be:

Overly optimistic
At peace
Smiling and laughing more often
Patient
Quiet and Thoughtful
Filled with love
Kinder
More willing to serve

I guess the point of this post would be to encourage anyone who bothers to read it to be a little nicer, give a little more often, smile at a stranger, laugh out loud, at yourself and remember to simply, Be Still.

Its How I Roll

2010-11-13T11:53:00.003-08:00

So, graduation is in about a month, and I don't know quite what to think of that fact. I need to start working on a grad school application and studying for the GRE. This summer and this semester has been full of firsts. Most good firsts, some not.

Went to Cafe Paesan.
Tried cream cheese on a bagel and loved it.
Made homemade bread in the oven.
Failed cleaning checks.
Worked at and went through some very scary haunted houses.
Went to a football and a basketball game by myself. Yeah.. I love the cougars that much!
Watched Tommy Boy.
Snorkeled with Sea Turtles and other tropical fish.
Went to Hawaii
Bought a Blu-Ray Player
Tried Cereal with Milk again, and remembered why I hate it.
Tried Grilled Cheese and decided it was ok.

List TBC...

Childlike Fun

2010-09-30T14:03:00.000-07:00

Ok, so your birthday is like the one day of the year when you get to feel like a little kid again and it is just fine! Its that one day of the year that you can expect to be treated like you are in elementary school again, but in the best way possible. Girls get to dress up like princesses if they want for another day and parade around like they world revolves around them, and guys get to revert back to the days when the cool little gadgets and Tonka trucks were enough to waste hours on, at least I still see birthday's that way. Its a day when people get to celebrate you, and this week, not only do I get to celebrate me, but I get to celebrate some amazing friends I've made and friendships I've strengthened who just happen to share the same magical 7 day span with me this year, so like another friend who is honoring September birthdays, I've instead chose to honor the magical 7 day period in which I get lucky enough to share my Birthday with multiple of those who I'd like to think of, reverting back to elementary school again, as "BFFs."

Joey, I hope you don't mind I copied you on this one, but hey, Birthday buddies forever right?
Let's start at the very beginning, the very best place to start...(Points if you can name that movie)

Megan Riney and Tia Burton: September 23 & 25- Wedding dress and far right :)

Not very many people can say that they met their best friends when they were in Kindergarten, or even earlier, however lucky of us, we can. You are two of the best friends I've ever had. I hope the following memories will bring a smile to both of your faces. Cabbage Patch Club, Christmas Parties, Madrigal Dinner, Band/Color Guard, Show Choir, Scary Movies, Hayride Birthday Parties, Lunches at Shana's and many more to come I'm sure. Thanks you two for so graciously sharing your birthday week with me every year. :)

Joey Whitaker: September 29- Far Left

Ahh, Joey, I thought it was cool having two of my best friends with birthdays so close to mine, but if 2 is awesome, why not add a third right? I've heard that shared experiences and memories connect people not only across time but space as well. I hope that the memories we have had together mean as much to you as they do to me and that we have many more. Thanks for being a great friend and for never giving up on me. We met at a hard time for both of us, and what better way to become friends than to help each other out. Thanks Joey for the good times and I'm excited for more to come.

Don't be afraid to dream big, your dreams will take you far.

A Few of My Favorite Things

2010-09-19T21:27:00.004-07:00

Bubble bath
The sun shining through the windows, warming the world
Rainbows
Chocolate
Notes from Friends
Back Rubs
The Ocean
Cute Shoes
A Blanket and Pillow
Popsicles in the Summer
Smiles
When a Cute boy smiles at me
Learning about the World
Sand between my toes
Sandcastles
Ice Cream
Dove Chocolate
Good Music
Singing and Dancing in my apartment/room
Reading
Realizing that someone or something is extraordinary
Perfectly sunny days
Thunderstorms with Lightning
People who aren't afraid to just be who they are
Sunday afternoon naps
When the leaves change
A Dress or Jeans that fit just right
Mexican food

My Top Ten (Part 1)

2010-08-06T12:00:00.001-07:00

Since I am coming close to getting to all of the 50 United States before I hit the age of 25 it is about time to expand my horizons and let you all in on a little secret..so here it goes. These are the first three of my top ten (or eleven) places I would love to visit most in the world outside of the United States (they aren't in any particular order). I got my love for traveling from my Grandparents who went nearly everywhere in the world before my grandpa passed away in his mid 70s.

1. Santorini and Athens, Greece: I mean who wouldn't want to visit the beautiful white buildings and cathedrals, green rocky cliffs and the bluest ocean views, quite possibly ever. Ancient Athens and the Parthenon are nice perks as well. If that isn't enough, how about the mountain of Olympus or the beautiful beaches. I used to want to study Archaeology and with all of the ancient Grecian ruins and artifacts, this place would be a truly amazing, historical place to get lost in.

2. Germany & the Netherlands/Holland- I chose to group these into one because I discovered that if I don't, I really have eleven places I would absolutely love to visit, but then it wouldn't be a top ten list now would it?

German Chocolate, the name Heidi, my family, German Pancakes, all of the delicious pastries and deserts I have heard about and the green rolling countrysides with little towns settled in between them. Hamburg, Cathedrals, the list goes on and on of the great things that are in and come from Germany. What more could you want?

Holland: Tulips, Windmills, Amsterdam, Haarlem, Futbol (aka Soccer!), canals, old, wooden shoes, riding bikes through fields of flowers, castles, the port cities. Everything is easy to love when its Dutch..

Fun Fact: Did you know there is a city in Holland in which there are no streets for driving, you have to travel from place to place, and house to house on the river ways in a canoe or paddle boat! Love that!

3. London, England. The REAL land of Harry Potter, Big Ben, London Tower Bridge, Buckingham Palace, Abbey Road, Double Decker Buses, a beautifully large ferris wheel, small towns and the beautiful countryside, castles, museums and cathedrals. Enough said.

4. Rome and Tuscany, Italy. A picture is worth a thousand words, and I have two that I believe are worth about twice that many. Decide for yourself.

5. The Igazu Waterfalls on the border between Argentina and Brazil. Once again in my opinion one picture says it all. Bonus: In Argentina I can kind of speak the language and there is so much untouched beauty in both of these countries, I will never get bored.

Rainbows over Provo

2010-08-01T13:25:00.001-07:00

I got the chance to teach Relief Society today in my ward and our lesson was on covenants. It made me think of all the wonderful promises God has given us if we just keep the covenants we have made with him. We talked about Noah and the sign of God's covenant with him to never flood the earth again, which is manifested over and over again with the sign of the rainbow.

As I get older I don't know if I notice the little things more, or if I look for them more, but lately I have noticed the hand of God in my life almost daily. I was reading in the lesson I gave about how if we do what we say we will, the Lord is BOUND to do what he has promised us in return. These rainbows can be daily reminders that God has not forsaken us and that he will never leave us alone or comfortless.

One last quick thought. Rainbows remind me of my brother, Kevin who is currently on his mission to the Las Vegas Nevada West Mission speaking Spanish. I don't know if he knows this, but the day I dropped him off at the MTC, as I drove away a rainbow appeared in the sky over Provo and in the year since he has been gone I have seen more rainbows than any year previously. The Lord knows each of us individually and knows what we are going through. That rainbow was my little reminder from God. There was a double rainbow today.

Thanks for the Memories...and for Friends

2010-07-25T17:38:00.003-07:00

I have had a hard time focusing on the positive in my life lately and recognizing the support of those around me who love and want to help me. So here it goes, a thank you to all those who have helped me so much these past few weeks, I'm sorry that some of you will probably never see this post, but for those 2 or 3 of you that do, Thanks for your support. I am going to word this in the form of a Gratitude journal. Enjoy.

I'm grateful for the time we had.

I'm grateful for the memories we made.

I'm grateful for the pictures we took and the friends we made together.

I'm grateful for your courage and strength.

I'm grateful for your knowledge and growth.

I'm grateful that you let me be a part of your testimony that will some day influence hundreds if not thousands of people.

I'm grateful for the blessings from Nick Purse, Ryan Rodriguez, Shawn Loftin, David Felstead and John Christensen.

I'm grateful for the blessings from Dad, Doug Hamilton, Mario Aguirre, Wayne Manning.

I'm grateful to have Kevin as my brother who has helped our family by the blessings we have received from his willingness to share the message of our savior Jesus Christ.

I'm grateful for friendships that I have made and that continue to be improved and strengthened through this experience and old friendships that have been rekindled and that remind me that God truly loves me.

I'm grateful for true friends that have shown me that they will always be there no matter what.

I am grateful for flowers, ice cream, cookies and nice notes.

I'm grateful for family that never cease to amaze me.

I'm grateful for the heroes in my life.

I'm grateful for those willing to pass it on.

I'm grateful for those whose attitudes and outlook on life never cease to amaze me.

I'm grateful for the Dahlin family who took me in as their own for a time and supported me during the times I felt alone.

I'm grateful for my job.

I'm grateful I am blessed with the chance to be at BYU learning and making friends.

I'm grateful for the friends I have who make all of these lists. You know who you are.

I'm grateful for phone calls and notes from friends.

I'm grateful for those wise enough to follow the spirit.

I'm grateful for anyone who I failed to mention but who has been a part of the healing process I have experienced.

I'm grateful for parents who support me in everything I do even if they know I will fail.

I'm grateful for the smiles in places I don't expect and for the little happy places in God's creation.

I'm grateful for the chances that have been put in my place to be a friend to others, and I will gladly reciprocate the kindness shown to me by any who need it, in any way that I can.

Changing modes for those of you who are sick of hearing about the things I'm grateful for...

I love the smell of rain. I love rainbows and the promise they bring. I love butterflies. I love the scriptures. I love forgiveness and repentance. I love brightness. I love the world. I love missionaries. I love the piano. I love music. I love playing the piano. I love service. I love sacrifice. I love blue skies. I love friends. I love chocolate cupcakes. I love cookies warm from the oven. I love knowing I'm loved. I love words. I love making a difference. I love changing lives.

I know many of you are about done reading this post, but if you made it to the end, I want to hear your comments and stories about those who have changed your life and what they have done to help you. I love hearing stories of friends or loved ones who have had struggles and those who have stepped in to help.

Romeo and Juliet

2010-06-02T12:35:00.003-07:00

Two movies that I have seen in the past month that I loved and, of course, are about Love. Young Victoria and Letters to Juliet. Both are fantastic stories of love and how it doesn't always come as you had dreamed it would. I also, of course, would love to pay tribute to the fantastic Pride and Prejudice and Phantom of the Opera, both of which are also fantastic love stories and are appropriate for any audience, as long as you can sit through 3 hours worth of movie.
Young Victoria:

A dramatization of the turbulent first years of Queen Victoria's rule, and her enduring romance with Prince Albert. A love that doesn't die is always worth seeing a movie about.

Letters to Juliet:

An American girl on vacation in Italy finds an unanswered "letter to Juliet" -- one of thousands of missives left at the fictional lover's Verona courtyard, which are typically answered by the "secretaries of Juliet" -- and she goes on a quest to find the lovers referenced in the letter.

A Smile Could Travel the World

2010-05-24T11:53:00.003-07:00

So, a few weeks ago in sacrament meeting, there was a guy that gave a talk on mothers, Charity and the influence that just being kind to someone can have on not only their world but on the whole world around them. An example he gave was smiling. He said that there are days that he has been walking in his own little world through campus, with his iPod in or on his phone, etc, and then someone looks up from their busy day and smiles. He smiles back, and keeps smiling, and the next person he walks past, sees that smile and smiles herself. Who really knows how long that smile will continue to spread, but maybe it will travel the world! Who knows, that smile that you pass along could change someone's day and if it continues to spread, maybe you could actually make a difference in the world.

He also mentioned that if everyone in just our small little section of the earth, (Our ward essentially) would live ONE day, just one, as the Savior would live, we could too show the world that Kindness still exists and it would almost be as if Christ was here for one-hundred extra days. So, here is a challenge for the few people that browse my blog every once in a while, even if you may not believe in God, or the same God that I do. Live just one day this week like you could possibly save someone's life. Help someone in need, be kind to everyone, don't forget that regardless of your beliefs, we all need love. In the words of a popular song:

"What the world needs now, is love, sweet love" and change slightly the words of John Mayer's song and quit "waiting on the world to change" and instead "be the change you want to see in the world" -Ghandi

Here is a smile, that you can use to spread the love!

Love Round 2

2010-04-29T09:25:00.015-07:00

Some more of the awesome hearts found in nature. :) Love it! Here is a link to the other post I did with hearts. Doesn't it just make your day? Link: Let me Show You the Shape of My Heart. If you have any of your own hearts in nature, Email them to me and see if you make the next Hearts Post.

Be Careful What you Wish For

2010-04-28T22:41:00.000-07:00

I have learned a very important lesson in the past few years about answers to prayers and how sometimes what I think I want and need, but then realize I was completely happy with my situation before. I know it sounds complicated, but don't write me off yet. For example, all during High School I had extremely thick hair, that was hard to take care of or do a whole lot with. I always wanted and prayed for a little bit thinner hair. I know its stupid, but its one of those things where everyone always wants what they can't have right? Well, unfortunately, I got my wish. Here, is a list of quite possibly the stupidest things I wished and prayed for, and got in the funniest/worst way possible.

I wished for thinner hair: now like half of my hair falls out because I'm on medication.
I wished I could be a little skinnier, over Christmas break I was so sick I lost 40 lbs. This should teach me my lesson right?
I wished that I could take a semester off of school and relax.. well.. I did.. even though it wasn't exactly completely relaxing.
I wanted to be closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ so they brought me to my knees in the most unexpected way.
I had a lovely long list of awesome things that I thought would be so great for me, and turned out, God made me perfect the way I was to begin with. I can't remember what else I wished for that, now I realize were trivial and maybe a little petty.

Well enough of my pity party, I just thought I'd share with everyone that God made us how we are because that is exactly how we are supposed to be in this life, and even when things happen, he doesn't stop loving us. That's why I have what I have, I wasn't paying as much attention to him as I should have been, so He reminded me.

Scrapbook

2010-04-11T15:14:00.002-07:00

I got a free scrapbook from Shutterfly, so i decided to do something a little different and put old pictures that are still at home in the scrapbook. Here is what i have done so far.

Favorite Commercials Part 2

2010-04-01T12:26:00.000-07:00

Part 2 of my favorite commercials. Boost mobile made the list this time. Check out "Is that the talking dog?" as well as Bicycle and Man Baby. Good stuff...

My Favorite Commercials, So Far

2010-03-27T16:40:00.000-07:00

Ok, so it sounds horribly cheesy and once you see them you will believe that I'm a horribly childish person but I would like to link you to my favorite commercials, so far. I would say they are my favorite ever, but since I'm planning on becoming an advertiser, that statement would become void within a few years I fear, so I must remain at the here and now and... TAH DAH...
The E*Trade babies followed closely by Old Spice if you don't believe me, ask my parents or Brent, I get really excited when E*trade comes on and the Old Spice commercials, come on who doesn't love them? P.s. You must watch this one... I also like the new Vitamin Water commercials. Who comes up with this stuff... its hilarious.. Yeah.. that is supposed to be my job.. yikes.. I better get my mind moving. I will put some more up later..so look forward to that. Also, if you want to see one that is more creative, less funny.. then check out this one for Sony Bravia. The first one is the bouncy balls, and the second is paint. They are fantastic. Jimmy Dean also has some good ones.

Things I'm Afraid Of

2010-03-23T11:23:00.000-07:00

So I realized, today that I'm a chicken, but when I talk about things that bother or scare me, it seems to make them better. Here is a small list... They are silly and unimportant, but maybe putting them on here will help me out. I'm scared of turbulence, take-off and landing, someone close to me dying in a tragic way, being alone at night in an apartment or house, dying too young, losing someone without the chance to say goodbye, my nightmares coming true, never having feeling in my toes again and mannequins, just to name a few. I'm sure there are other things, but its interesting what fear does to you, it paralyzes you in a way nothing else does. I even get scared when someone doesn't hit their breaks fast enough. I'm afraid of being alone, of never having children because of my Lupus, but what is the point of fear? Is it to help us appreciate what we have, or to help us live better lives, or to help us understand polar opposites better and feel more joy when it's there?

I believe that the purpose of fear is not only to help us understand life, but in the scriptures it says that there must be opposition in all things. Without fear, would we truly know what it is like to feel safe and happy? Probably not... Fear gives us something to overcome and when we do, we can say we've done it. We may still have the fear if we are asked to do it again, but maybe the next time it will be a little less scary and a little more able to bare. And I even have to admit, that I'm probably pretty funny looking when I get scared. In fact I probably look like that little guy. so I will just have to remember the humor in it all.

Let me Show you the Shape of My Heart

2010-02-16T08:44:00.000-08:00

I know its a lame Backstreet Boys song, but its kind of cool the crazy random places you can find heart shapes. They are everywhere.. here are a few that I have googled but hopefully I will find some on my own sometime. :) These are just some of my favorites that I found.. enjoy! I consider them God's little reminders that he is always there and he loves us. P.s. I think the cow is super cute!

Never too old, or young, for Love!

2010-02-01T11:49:00.003-08:00

So, I was writing an article about tips to make your Valentine's Day great on the blog I do for work, and I was looking for pictures of people in love, that weren't too scandalous, obviously.. and there were quite a few pictures when I did a Google search of older people holding hands and dancing, etc. as well as young children. It reminded me that sometimes we get lost in the everyday things in life, and fail to understand and recognize that love does still exist and it can exist in everyone. I hope I am lucky enough to have a love that lasts and is strong throughout my old age.

People sometimes forget how lucky they are to have people around them that never cease to care. My mom is one of those people for me. She has seen me through just about everything imaginable from something as simple as a bruised and constantly scraped up knee, to a disease that took over my life. If that isn't a pure description of love, I'm not sure what is. Also, Brent. He has never stopped being there for me when I needed him. He has stood by me through every step of this horrible disease and even though I know I have been cranky and upset with him he never stops trying to help and showing his love for me.

Love truly is an amazing thing, enjoy some of these pictures and consider doing something for someone you love this Valentine's Day. I also found the rock picture and just thought it was cute.

There is a couple from the BYU ad lab, who have a blog that I ran across the other day. They collect pictures of hearts they, or other people find in random places. Its pretty cool and I wish I had saved the link, but I didn't. Kind of cool though that ordinary people look for and find beauty in unexpected things.

What are Men Compared to Rocks and Mountains?

2010-01-28T06:30:00.001-08:00

This is a quote in the ever loved and ever hated (mostly by men) book Pride and Prejudice. I was editing some pictures this morning and happened to run across some from a trip my friends and I took to Zion National Park this summer. It made me think of that quote as I was looking at the pictures from that trip. I have pictures of everything from the tiniest of flower to the majesty of a canyon. God created these huge structures and delicate little flowers for us. Do we really and truly appreciate them? I don't think we do.

I think especially now, people don't appreciate the country we live in. From the amber waves of grain to the purple mountain majesty we have one of the most beautiful and peaceful places to live in the entire world. There is great majesty all over the world, don't get me wrong, but we have all of these rolled into one beautiful place. All nations of the world are rolling into us, and we are so blessed to be where we are.. here are the pictures that inspired my thoughts.

I also love the part that follows that quote by Elizabeth Bennett, she says...
Mary Bennet: The glories of nature. What are men compared to rocks and mountains?
Elizabeth Bennet: Believe me. Men are either eaten up with arrogance or stupidity. If they are amiable, they are so easily led they have no minds of their own whatsoever.

Even though this quote was meant for the male sex, it is true of most of us now. Everyone walks around in this world with their false pride and their sense of superiority and arrogance. Usually if they aren't doing this, they are showing some kind of stupidity. The nice people of the world, follow what others do, and hardly ever do anything for themselves, its sad but true how well her quote turned out to describe us now days. Of course I have to include a picture from Pride and Prejudice, because not everyone is lucky enough to find a love like that Love/Hate relationships going on there. Oh one last thing I love from the movie is below the picture... I guess that is my little school girl romance kicking in there, its just fantastic though, if you haven't seen the movie you should, I even know guys that love it!

Mr. Darcy: How are you this evening, my dear?
Elizabeth Bennet: Very well... although I wish you would not call me "my dear."
Mr. Darcy: [chuckles] Why?
Elizabeth Bennet: Because it's what my father always calls my mother when he's cross about something.
Mr. Darcy: What endearments am I allowed?
Elizabeth Bennet: Well let me think...”Lizzie" for every day, "My Pearl" for Sundays, and...”Goddess Divine"... but only on *very* special occasions.
Mr. Darcy: And... what should I call you when I am cross? Mrs. Darcy...?
Elizabeth Bennet: No! No. You may only call me "Mrs. Darcy"... when you are completely, and perfectly, and incandescently happy.
Mr. Darcy: [he snickers] Then how are you this evening... Mrs. Darcy?
[kisses her on the forehead]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[kisses her on the right cheek]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[kisses her on the nose]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[kisses her on the left cheek]
Mr. Darcy: Mrs. Darcy...
[finally kisses her on the mouth]

A Boy Named Brent

2010-01-27T16:38:00.000-08:00

Ok, so Brent wrote the cutest poem about me today for his first blog ever! So proud :), so even though he won't like it, I would like to put up 3 of my very favorite pictures of him, he probably doesn't like them, but I think he looks SUPER cute! He will absolutely hate me but that's ok, just love me Brenty. Close ups are definitely my fav and black and whites are my second fave so all of these pictures work out pretty well in my favor. Enjoy!

Gratitude Journal 2

2010-01-25T05:46:00.000-08:00

So I realized that when I think about it I have so much to be grateful for. I know sometimes I complain more than I should, but here are a few more things I have found to be grateful for in the past few days.

I don't play a sport that could seriously injure me
The Colts won the playoff game
Austin Collie has sticky hands
It is getting warmer and days are getting longer
I have the best and cutest boyfriend ever
My Mom's Birthday is on Friday
I don't live in a terrorist nation
I have the gospel
I still go to church (kind of a trend in the ward not to)
Mom might get to come with me to Utah!
That I finally know what my hives are coming from

Today I finally found out that the hives I have been getting are from the Copper and metals leaving my body which is a relief. It comes out especially well on the days I get light therapy. I have started going to get electron light therapy from Dr. Greene. He has me on a special diet as well, he is kind of becoming a naturopath as well as a chiropractor. He is trying to help me out by having me drink lemon in my water and lime. He has also given me instructions to eat special salad dressing and eat the salads marinated. He says yellows and greens are good for my body and that I am rejecting them so much because my body needs them. He says the Lupus is trying to get my body to throw them up when I take them because it hates them so much right now, but after a few weeks my body is supposedly going to start craving them and I will want them instead of the other stuff. I don't really want that many fattening foods right now, just a few because I feel as though I have no energy in my body. I know that some of the foods that he wants me to eat will help me receive energy, but it is hard to eat just greens, I don't feel good when I do, it is because it is cleaning me out and I understand that, but it is hard! Here is a website with health advice and a test you can take to see if your herbals are helping you or not. leftlemon.com It is about how healthy lemon juice and greens are for you. It is pretty cool, I just wish someone was helping me do the diet while not pushing me at the same time. I will slowly work myself off of the meat and other meat products until I don't really even want them anymore. That is probably all for now I should go, we are having family time.. oops :)

Gratitude Journal

2010-01-23T10:08:00.000-08:00

This last week in church, the bishop's wife spoke and talked about Gratitude. She said that we would recognize our blessing much better if we focused everyday on the things that we were grateful in our lives. I know that this is true as ingratitude is one of the biggest problems in our society today. The high councilman also talked about gratitude and told a story about Santa Christmas cards that I really liked. He said every year the post office receives thousands of letters into their dead letter receptacle from children to Santa asking for things they want for Christmas. He then said that one year, one post office received one single letter after Christmas thanking Santa for the gifts they received. That single act of gratitude from a child is the only one they ever received to that post office and it shows the ingratitude of our nation as a whole with our labels and our money. Hmm what else, oh yeah, I got a funny email from my dad today about the English language and all of our weird words that mean ten different things, etc. Here is part of it, he got it in a letter he found from Grandpa to Grandma when he was in the navy and some of it is from Mom.

Why do you park in the drive way and drive on the parkway?
Did you ever see a stepping stone?
Did you ever see a toilet bowl?
Did you ever see a horse fly?
Did you ever see a peanut stand?
Did you ever see a board walk?

What did Ida hoe? She hoed a merry land.
What did Miss A sip? She sipped a mini soda.
What did Dela wear? She wore a new jersy.

Did you ever see a garden hose? A sock hop? A bed tick? A neck tie? A night fall?
A clock run? A bag pipe? A mill run? A shoe fly? A nose run? Have you seen a turkey dressing? A day pass by? A bed spring? A light switch? A tad pole? A flower pedal? A heart break? A water slide? A jolly rancher? A ranch dressing? A belly button?

Kind of interesting if you think about it how weird we are, and how things probably make no sense to people coming to our country. Anyways on to the gratitude journal.

Today I am grateful for the warm weather in the summer, clearance sales, $5 shoes, oranges, apple juice, prayer and the Conference Issue of the Ensign! Oh yeah, I forgot an important one BYU! President Monson's ear wiggling skills kind of makes the top of the list too, and the chance to get to watch him speak completely candidly.

Dang I almost forgot to post a hilarious story that happened between my mom and I last night, probably one of the funniest moments ever, it may have been because I was tired, but regardless, to me it was hilarious. So last night I am talking to mom before bed, and I was like do we have any thicker pillows? She looked at me with the confused are a weirdo look she has (I really wish I had it on film) and she says... in the most dramtic voice I think I've ever heard her use.."All of our pillows are the same size..." and then she just stared at me with the same expression for about a minute while I tried to explain what pillow I wanted (I had already used it once at home). She finally figured it out and went and go the pillow off of Kevin's bed, which was indeed thicker. It was just funny to me that she held the look for so long of complete and utter confusion, just another reason I think she is hilarious.

P.s. I got my hair cut today but here are some pictures of lunch with Tia, Shana and Parker... Well only one of them is working right now, and I get a new phone!

School and Sickness

2010-01-09T13:06:00.000-08:00

Well as most of you have probably heard, I have had a few apartment problems this past semester. When I first moved in to my first place, one of my roommates and I did a lot of clashing, and by a lot, I mean so much that after about a month and half, something had to change, and that happened to be me selling my contract and moving out. When I did move out, I was at the new apartment for about 3 weeks before our roof caved in. I was already having some foot problems and lacking on sleep, so that complicated things even more. I am now at home for an extra few weeks to try to re-cooperate. I have been here for almost 4 weeks and will probably be here about 3 or 4 more before I head back to school to take second block classes. I am feeling a lot better, but I still don't have much energy. The good news is that I haven't had a fever for about a week, so now I'm just waiting to get some energy and more food into my body so that I can head back to school and be healthy at the same time. It was definitely a crazy semester and I hope this next one calms down a little bit. Brent needs to get home as well so he can get some classes taken care of before the second block starts. It was overall a pretty crazy semester and I'm glad to have a break while everyone else is in school right now. Hopefully I can get well soon. Kevin is doing well, most of you have probably read his updates though and know this. He likes his companion Elder Mendoza who is from Mexico City and they seem to be getting along well. They have their first baptism today, she is a 10 year old girl who has been working on the discussions for a while, so that is great. That is really all the news I have for now except that I am catching up on a class I couldn't quite finish because I was so sick and I still need a few hours for my internship to be complete. They kind of fired me, kind of not. I am still doing blogs, but not getting paid hourly anymore. Hmm.. I think that really is about it for now. We are still waiting on pictures from Kevin on his SD card so.

Live Your Life

2009-12-09T09:07:00.000-08:00

You would think as an advertising major I would be able to figure out a way to advertise myself, but I have had no such luck lately. Maybe it is because I have moved three times since August, maybe it is because I am emotionally and spiritually drained, I don't know. Whatever the cause, it is slightly frustrating. I decided to subtitle this blog dear journal because I stink so much at physically writing in my journal. I would much rather document my life through picture, but I know that isn't the best option considering how many dang pictures I have lost through the years just from broken hard drives crashing and not printing them off. So, I decided that I need to be better about keeping the details of my everyday life, and since not many people read this blog, I decided to do it here.

Talk about the craziest semester of my life! I moved into Canterwood apartments in Provo in the middle of August, right before I went to visit Brent in California. At the time I was still working for Pinnacle Security doing account creation calls, and the only girl living in the apartment would be moving out while I was in California. She is actually a singer from Montana (Nicole Sheahan). I'm sure she wouldn't mind me advertising for her, you can find her music on her myspace page. Anyway, right after I got back I got an internship and have been doing that ever since.

Jennifer and Courtney moved into my apartment soon after, and Courtney and I did a few things together, but we never really clicked, and Jennifer I felt like wouldn't talk to me and didn't want to talk to me until things had gone so far that it was almost impossible to talk to her about anything anymore. She freaked out on me one day, and that was the end of it for me. I had tried to talk to her a few times before and felt like she completely brushed me off, so I just stopped trying to communicate and really was left with no option but to move out. The story is much longer and more complicated than I am making it sound here, but I really don't feel that it is a story that should be broadcast over the internet.

So, I moved, and got rent for a much less expensive price, which was fantastic! I sold my contract at Canterwood to a girl named Emily, and am now living in a place called Windsor Park, kind of... two days ago, the same day the girl signed my Canterwood contract, our roof caved in at Windsor Park, and now they are performing complete restoration services at the Windsor Park condo. So, I have been moved to a place called Belmont. It is across town from Windsor Park, and I am living with a random girl they decided to move me in with. It really stinks, but hopefully it will all get worked out. Our old apartment was literally an ice cold rain shower for a few hours.

That is about all I've got for you today. I go home next Tuesday for Christmas, and Kevin is leaving the MTC Monday for the mission field. Crazy stuff!

Missing You

2009-12-04T19:04:00.000-08:00

Even though you won't read this for.. ooh.. another year and ten months. I just wanted to let you know that I love and miss you and know you will make and are being an awesome missionary right now. Can't wait to see you again, I know you will change a lot but I am excited to hang out with you again. Have fun little dude, do some good. P.S. I'm lovin' that picture right there, and I better get to see some more soon!

Mom

2009-11-08T16:41:00.000-08:00

If you scroll down you will find that my mom is one of the things that makes me laugh, and if you don't know my mom all that well, this might help you understand why I think she is so funny. These few pictures are taken two summers ago when Brent came to visit our family, and she just makes me laugh, you will understand once you see these. She probably wouldn't think that they are all that funny, but I do, and making people laugh is definitely not a bad thing, at least in my book!

What in the World!?!

2009-11-08T09:09:00.000-08:00

We all have small or large things that really bug us and get under our skin. Some of us have a few more of these than others, but I have recently discovered a huge one in my life, and I think I need to blog about it or something just to get it out.

It may sound silly, but why in the world is it so hard to get the plastic off of just about everything you can buy in a store? You all know what I'm talking about, the stuff that leaves you with cuts, bruises, and broken sissors after trying to get it off of your new camera.

Don't worry Wal-Mart and various other stores, NO ONE will EVER be able to steal that Spiderman action figure. Why? Well unless they walk into the store with a stick of dynamite or, I don't know, maybe hedge clippers (don't do that by the way, you will probably get arrested); they aren't going to be able to open it any quicker than it takes to write the 7th Harry Potter book in Chinese, upside down. I mean come on really.

Happy Halloween!

2009-11-04T21:10:00.000-08:00

I know this is a tad late, but I was working on some stuff for work and it reminded me that Halloween is FUN! Especially dressing up each year. I know it sounds lame, but come on, everyone used to have fun dressing up as a kid! Don't deny it. So enjoy this little blast from the past in pictures. Don't forget you can click on the picture to view it in the bigger size.

Testing

2009-10-26T19:09:00.000-07:00

Laugh about It!

2009-10-26T19:02:00.000-07:00

So, I recently read a blog about laughter therapy. AWESOME! So I have decided to add to the right, things that make me laugh :)

Brigham Young University

2009-10-23T09:17:00.000-07:00

I would just like to say something. I have NEVER not wanted to go to BYU. They have a fantastic education and BYU's reputation in the world is not only immaculate despite its faults but, it is also praised. I have always believed that if I got into BYU even if I got a scholarship to go somewhere else, I would choose BYU. I got a half ride for four years to LDS Business College, and no scholarship at BYU. I'm not even sure I got accepted to BYU-I, I don't know if I ever saw the letter, maybe I didn't even apply. The point is, this...and it might seem a little harsh, but. IF you came to BYU as a last resort, or, because you weren't sure what to do, or, because it was cheap, because of a friend, because your parents told you they wouldn't pay unless you did, and consequently you don't want to be here, I just want to say, ok that's fine. GET OUT! There are people, and I actually know a few who would give SO much, and have such a desire to be here. I guess, I just don't understand. There are people who I know hate going to school/college because they wish so bad they could be here. They feel like they aren't good enough, because they can't get in.

The Wentworth Letter

2009-08-09T00:28:00.000-07:00

Here is a video I made for my RS lesson on the Wentworth letter. Enjoy!

Overcast Day In Salt Lake

2009-08-06T15:55:00.000-07:00

Overcast skies make for the most beautiful pictures and Kevin and I finally got Kris to let us take some pictures of him and Kevin made me put them up on facebook, haha. It was overall a fun day, I was pretty sore from the Lupus, but I made it, even if it was barely. I get to go to California in 8 days, and they didn't need me at work today, so I really should be packing or at least working on my lesson for church Sunday, but as you can see, I'm not doing so well on either one.

Photography

2009-08-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

So, I have recently developed a love for good photography. (And not so good sometimes, I'm not that great, but I love doing it) Here are some pictures, they are slightly old, but they are from when Brent and I went to the Hare Krishna Hindu Colors Festival. It was fun, here are some of the small moments we captured. P.s. Sorry the pink kinda makes me look like a creeper. Some kid threw a huge handful of pink at me

A Cure?!

2009-07-28T22:48:00.001-07:00

Wow, it might actually be real. That would be so great if there was an end to Lupus. It's kinda weird though, I have never met my grandfather who died of Lupus, but just having the same disease he died from gives me a connection to him. I know what kind of pain he was going through, when he died. Maybe not fully because he had SLE, but its kinda weird how things work themselves out. Anyways, check out the article. It's kind of exciting!

First Potential Lupus-Specific Treatment in Sight!
July 20, 2009

BENLYSTA™ Successful in First of Two Pivotal Clinical Trials

Today, Human Genome Sciences (HGS) and GlaxoSmithKline (GSK) announced positive results from a year-long clinical trial of BENLYSTA for treating lupus. When the 52-week study concluded, the lupus patients who were treated with BENLYSTA had improvement in overall disease activity without clinically significant flare-ups in one or more isolated organs when compared to patients who received the placebo (inactive agent). The patients receiving BENLYSTA also were able to reduce their intake of steroid medications. The study is the largest ever to be completed for lupus and the first Phase III (late stage) trial of a new biologic immune therapy for lupus to succeed in meeting its primary endpoint and most of its secondary endpoints.

Sandra C. Raymond, President and Chief Executive Officer of the Lupus Foundation of America (LFA) issued the following statement.

"For people with lupus and their loved ones, this is an historic day! With no new drugs for more than 50 years, since the Eisenhower Administration, the news today indicates that it is possible to develop new, safe, and effective therapies for lupus. We are greatly encouraged by the positive top-line data which shows that HGS’ 52-week BENLYSTA study met its primary endpoint. These results provide hope that this complex chronic autoimmune disease can be brought under control and that, eventually, a cure can be found for the estimated 1.5 million Americans and more than 5 million people worldwide living with lupus.

"We look forward to hearing the results, this fall, of a longer-term Phase III clinical study of BENLYSTA. The data from both studies will be evaluated by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Should the FDA ultimately approve BENLYSTA, it would become the first drug successfully developed to specifically treat lupus since the disease was discovered more than a century ago.

"Lupus is a complex disease and not every therapy will be appropriate for all patients. Each person with lupus is unique and it is likely that successful management of lupus will require a number of therapies, perhaps used in combination with each other. The LFA and its Medical-Scientific Advisory Council urge the federal government and industry to greatly step up their research efforts on lupus so that physicians have a complete arsenal of therapies at their disposal to provide the individualized treatment that lupus requires.

"We are grateful to Human Genome Sciences and GlaxoSmithKline for their pioneering efforts to develop a new, safe, effective and tolerable treatment for lupus, to the physicians who have passionately committed to researching this disease, to the companies who continue to invest in finding new treatments, and to the thousands of people with lupus who have volunteered and participated in clinical studies over the years so discoveries such as this one could be possible.

"Meanwhile, the LFA will continue to implement its initiative entitled, A New 21st Century Approach to Lupus Healthcare, to ensure the ongoing advancement of the science and medicine of lupus to meet the multi-dimensional needs of people with lupus"

Fall into Place

2009-03-24T14:04:00.001-07:00

It's amazing how, when nothing seems to be working, somehow it all just magically falls into place. I'm not really sure, how or even if I'm referring to something specific, but it just works out. I guess I shouldn't be surprised at the hand of the Lord in my life. Its just interesting how sometimes, I am so confused and at a loss for what to do next, and a minute later everything is completely clear. It can be compared a little bit to the struggle of survival for this flower. It struggles constantly to receive nourishment, and at times the shadow of the towering trees or the lack of water in the ground, robs it of what it needs. Then all the sudden, rain comes, or the shadow moves, leaving the flower to receive all that it needs, its a wonderful thing.

Sports Fans

2009-01-14T00:03:00.000-08:00

So, I know no one reads this, but it is a good outlet for my frustrations. Ok, first of all, I went to a basketball game tonight, because I like basketball, and because I wanted to see my team play, and its fun. Well, I sat in front of some people who knew some team members, not only did they go on about them the entire game, but, they failed to know the rest of the players names, but claimed to be so into the game. They never stopped talking to watch the game either. And when they weren't talking about themselves, they were talking bad about the other players. Oh, and I should also mention, that on the other side of me were two girls who talked the entire game, in another language, and took pictures of themselves. I guess it is good that people were at the game, but it just ticks me off when they don't pay attention or trash talk their own team. What is the point of going to support them, if you don't actually support them? If you are good enough to trash talk what they are doing, why don't you get on the floor or the field and show us how its done. The players are human just like everyone else, and they have their good and bad days, there is really no reason to say because someone missed a shot or threw a bad pass that they are horrible and should be thrown out of the game or the sport in its entirety. Man up people. If you like your team, support them, no matter what. Maybe if they feel like people care about them, they will be willing to play harder for their fans. It makes sense to me anyways....

Changes

2008-12-23T07:05:00.000-08:00

Its crazy how much different doctors think than one another. I started a new doctor this past week and already he is telling me I might not have lupus, because I'm missing some of the key signs. I'm not quote sure what to think of that, they did a bunch of blood tests on me to determine whether I did or not. I don't know if he is planning on calling me or if there will be a letter for me in the mail when I get back. It should be interesting to see. He did all these weird tests on me that have never been done on me before, including checking my fingernails for a "telling sign" of lupus. He just put me back on the plaquenil because he said that he didn't want to put me on prednisone because of what it does to my fingers, and muscles, etc. It will definitely be interesting to see what happens with that. I wish that the doctors would make up their mind, or at least find a medicine that didn't make me so sick or effect me so strongly, it really would be a miracle at this point.

Frustration

2007-11-09T20:08:00.000-08:00

I can't even tell you how frustrating it is to have a disease that will never go away. Out of the many cases of Lupus int he world, only a very few have ever been cured. Most of the people that have been cured, have only done so through an extensive diet and lifestyle change. I guess it is worth it to irradicate something that will be with you forever and could possibly kill you. You should have heard my mom when she found out. You never realize how something like that affects everyone else. Her father died from lupus in his fifties because the doctors didn't know what was wrong with him, until it was too late. For her to find out that her daughter has the same thing was devastating. It's frustrating to me as well obviously. Sometimes I get sores in my mouth and I can't even really eat. Sometimes my muscles get so sore that I can't lay still or move. I have a knee that pops out of socket that the doctors refuse to acknowledge as a problem. It is also nearly impossible to get my doctor to answer my phone calls. Sometimes I feel like no one cares and no one understands. Especially being a college student with a disease is very difficult and almost impossible to get the amount of sleep I really need to get and stay healthy. It has made me a lot more appreciative of the good days I do have even though they are few and far between. Sometimes sores on my hands are so bad I can't even hold a pen or do other things with my hands. I'm sick of it.